Fa’a Samoa III

Delivered-To: Gen
From: “mele mauala” <mmauala@hotmail.com
To: recipient list surpressed
Subject: Fa’a Samoa III
Date: Thu, 15 Nov 2001 00:24:00
O.K. everybody,
it seems you’re all sick of how happy I am here, so let me tell you about
the things that do NOT make me happy about Samoa.
The cockroaches here
are big, VERY BIG. Last night I looked down at my feet and thought I had
three until I realized that the third size ten foot was really a
cockroach! Now it’s one thing that they’re big but these bastards can fly
and when they do you MUST duck because they are heavy with sharp legs that
can hold onto anything. Imagine a 747 with long black legs climbing into
your pants and you are experiencing my constant fear here!
I know I
mentioned pigs roaming before but did I mention the crap they leave behind
for only me to step into? It seems every Samoan has an innate ability to
detect pigshit and step over it. Only being half-Samoan I can only detect
the pigshit the moment I step itno it! This has happened enough times for
me to no longer say “Oh look at the cute piggy” to “There’s another
f***ing shit machine”. I have learned some Samoan swear words which I will
happily teach you when I get back.
As some of you may know, I recently had to take a shower in front of the
entire village. No, it was not a baptism, but rather the only way to wash
off the collective pig shit off me from the day. In my uncles house the
tap closes at 10 pm, so if you want to bathe, you must do so at the tap
outside, in front of the house, next to the main road, in front f the
entire VILLAGE!!! All I had was a lavalava (sarong) and a bar of soap to
stop anyone from having a peek at my Susu (boobs). I’m sure the busload of
people who drove by didn’t recognize me (at least thatǃÙs what my cousin
said, but I don’t believe her).
Another thing is that it rains, intermittently but heavily. I have had the
same pairs of underwear hanging on the laundry line for 5 days now! I am
running low and if the sun doesn’t come out soon I am going to be one
smelly Mele!
Toilet paper is also a premium. There is no guarantee that you will find
some in a toilet when you get there. I was desperate to go yesterday and
was in the government house ( Samoa’s Pentagon) and when I finally found a
toilet the first stall didn’t have any TP, the second didn’t even have a
toilet seat! So if I was interested in sitting or using toilet paper I was
out of luck. May I ask you what else one is supposed to do in a toilet?
My last complaint is about the order in which we eat here. Elders always
eat first, thus my uncle and my aunt and I always eat before and
seperately from the rest of the family. I asked why do I do it since I’m
still a grandchild, they told me it’s because I’m old! I had no idea that
I could officially be a Village Elder at 28! Really it’s because I’m a
guest, but I still hate the idea that we always eat seperately and best
(if there’s no left overs, then too bad for the kids).
Well I hope that has helped some of you who have hated me being so happy
and allowed you to see another side of Samoa!
All my love (and happiness),
Mele

3 comments on “Fa’a Samoa III
  1. Lauplumeria says:

    Girl you are so funny. I was just vae savalivali on the next and I happen to pop in hea. Girl you are so crazy, I mean a good crazy and funny. I enjoy reading your post. Hey! girl I do know what you mean. I’m an afatasi too. I’ve been there too. Hell, on the first day I step out from my rental car, I step into those yeeeeeeeeek shit and believe you me, I freak out. Good thing I stay in the hotel. I went to drop off something that my best friend here in the state ask me to give it to his family, when I get there. Dayum, I call my friend and all she did was laugh about it.
    And the funny thing is that, I got out of my rental car, ready to take a big gulp of fresh country air, and I was greeted by pig shit. Dayum, I call the family, they came to the car, cause I was scare to take another step. As soon as they came, I handed them their things, and I open my shoes and left it there. I didn’t wanna wear those shoes, I left it sitting there, where I was standing.
    The family were just looking at me like crazy, while I reverse my rental and book. My hotel staff were looking at me and my feet. I smile and yell, ” Will someone show me my room, I can’t wait to jump in the water.
    Well, you are still crazy, I mean good crazy. Thanks for sharing.
    Your one friend with the samoan bad experience. (heheheheh).

  2. Tony says:

    Thats funny how you talked about the shit in Samoa. well I’m guessing you were in Western Samoa. I’m from the more sivilized Island where there are no Shits lining the streets.
    The only ones on our island would be dog poop. but hey it’s a friggin island its a happy free kinda life there. I moved to the states and I have to pay rent, and work whenever I don’t feel like it inorder to live here. i miss the Island life, i wish we could change places.
    anyways, Take care.
    TA

  3. Eche King says:

    Well sorry that samoa is not what any of you hoped it would be, but if you guys just pulled your heads out of your @sses then maybe you’ll learn to appreciate it it more. ( directed at the respondents to the original message) Another thing is that thinking you are gods gifts to samoans, afakasi and all thinking your above all full blooded samoans is bullshit your either one or the the other.
    Next time your in samoa have some respect and show dignity for the people who live there.The people of samoa know who they are and try to be nothing more then that.
    By the way tony pago is not the real samoa that your people claim it to be, its only part of the true islands of samoa like savai’i and upolu. People of pago pago distance themselved from samoa because of this perfect face they try and achieve to lick @ss to america. To summon up my point you are but plastic believers