Fa’a Samoa III

Delivered-To: gen@.net
From: “mele mauala” <mmauala@.com
To: recipient list surpressed
Subject: Fa’a Samoa III
Date: Thu, 15 Nov 2001 00:24:00

O.K. everybody,
it seems you’re all sick of how happy I am here, so let me tell you about
the things that do NOT make me happy about Samoa.
The cockroaches here
are big, VERY BIG. Last night I looked down at my feet and thought I had
three until I realized that the third size ten foot was really a
cockroach! Now it’s one thing that they’re big but these bastards can fly
and when they do you MUST duck because they are heavy with sharp legs that
can hold onto anything. Imagine a 747 with long black legs climbing into
your pants and you are experiencing my constant fear here!
I know I
mentioned pigs roaming before but did I mention the crap they leave behind
for only me to step into? It seems every Samoan has an innate ability to
detect pigshit and step over it. Only being half-Samoan I can only detect
the pigshit the moment I step itno it! This has happened enough times for
me to no longer say “Oh look at the cute piggy” to “There’s another
fucking shit machine”. I have learned some Samoan swear words which I will
happily teach you when I get back.
As some of you may know, I recently had to take a shower in front of the
entire village. No, it was not a baptism, but rather the only way to wash
off the collective pig shit off me from the day. In my uncles house the
tap closes at 10 pm, so if you want to bathe, you must do so at the tap
outside, in front of the house, next to the main road, in front f the
entire VILLAGE!!! All I had was a lavalava (sarong) and a bar of soap to
stop anyone from having a peek at my Susu (boobs). I’m sure the busload of
people who drove by didn’t recognize me (at least thatÌs what my cousin
said, but I don’t believe her).
Another thing is that it rains, intermittently but heavily. I have had the
same pairs of underwear hanging on the laundry line for 5 days now! I am
running low and if the sun doesn’t come out soon I am going to be one
smelly Mele!
Toilet paper is also a premium. There is no guarantee that you will find
some in a toilet when you get there. I was desperate to go yesterday and
was in the government house ( Samoa’s Pentagon) and when I finally found a
toilet the first stall didn’t have any TP, the second didn’t even have a
toilet seat! So if I was interested in sitting or using toilet paper I was
out of luck. May I ask you what else one is supposed to do in a toilet?
My last complaint is about the order in which we eat here. Elders always
eat first, thus my uncle and my aunt and I always eat before and
seperately from the rest of the family. I asked why do I do it since I’m
still a grandchild, they told me it’s because I’m old! I had no idea that
I could officially be a Village Elder at 28! Really it’s because I’m a
guest, but I still hate the idea that we always eat seperately and best
(if there’s no left overs, then too bad for the kids).
Well I hope that has helped some of you who have hated me being so happy
and allowed you to see another side of Samoa!
All my love (and happiness),
Mele

3 comments on “Fa’a Samoa III
  1. hmiofhkm says:

    UFA!!!!!

  2. balls says:

    UFA!!!!!

  3. tlove says:

    ia malo li ufa , ia masalo o oe e le’i fafaga i ni upu ma tala e lou tama ma lou tina , ia ae masalo o oe na e ola i tua i papu’aa ma togavao , ae tautala ma le mamalu pe a e sau i luga o le site , e iloa ai o oe o le tama e a’oaia e le tama ma lou tama , ae ou te masalo lava o oe e fafaga i mea leaga i aso uma o lou olaga atoa…ia toaga lava e ai laia mea ….lemafaufau